


if you could only see

by KitKaos



Category: Papa Don't Preach - Madonna (Music Video)
Genre: Coping, F/F, F/M, Family, Found Family, Gen, Papa is a Good Parent, Slice of Life, Teenage Parents, Yuletide 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:34:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28068621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KitKaos/pseuds/KitKaos
Summary: The only thing he had ever wanted was what’s best for his daughter. That was what he had promised Mama. And that was all he wished and worked for. To give his daughter the best life possible. To make his little girl happy, to see her smile.
Relationships: Girl (Papa Don't Preach)/Boyfriend (Papa Don't Preach)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 10
Collections: Yuletide 2020





	if you could only see

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PunkyPower](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PunkyPower/gifts).



> _**A/N:** Dear PunkyPower, wow, I have to say, this was loads of fun. Sweat and tears, too, but also fun. I sincerely hope you like it, too. Happy Yuletide! :) All my thanks go to sinkauli for betaing!_

**_2020_ **

The only thing he had ever wanted was what’s best for his daughter. That was what he had promised Mama. And that was all he wished and worked for. To give his daughter the best life possible. To make his little girl happy, to see her smile.

And now his little girl (not so little anymore) had a little girl (not so little anymore either) herself. Lou had been a parent for decades – and a damn good one at that. Of course she had had to grow into that role – they all had. Little Louise had had to grow up so much faster than her friends. Sometimes his heart broke all over again for her at that thought, even still today.

That did not stop him from being the proudest papa and grandpapa there was, though!

His granddaughter’s smile was blinding and blissful. Her flowing white dress was gorgeous, shaped like one of the apple blossoms in her bouquet. As they were slowly striding down the aisle, he noticed all eyes on her, could hear whispers left and right – how lovely she looked, how radiant her smile, how quickly little Lola had grown up.

And he, her old grandpapa, was the one walking her down the aisle, beaming and glowing with pride of his whole family.

Of his daughter Louise, who was sitting next to Lola’s father, both of them with tears in their eyes and holding each other’s hand.

Of Louise’s best friend Alma, who stuck by them through thick and thin and was now standing at the very front to marry off their little girl.

Of Rei, Lola’s long-term girlfriend and soon-to-be wife, standing at the front in a beautiful white kimono, her eyes locked onto Lola like she was the most precious thing in the whole wide world.

Well, she was.

They stopped in front of Rei and he suddenly felt his throat go dry and his eyes go wet. Hugged his granddaughter, hugged Rei, then went to take his place in one of the pews.

He would probably never admit to it, but as he sat down now, he grabbed at the tissue Maria was inconspicuously offering, quietly thankful, and dabbed at his eyes. “There’s just something in my eye,” he whispered to his sister, who only smiled knowingly.

He knew he would miss his little girl. He also knew she was where she wanted to be, and she was in the best of hands.

*~*~*

**  
_1985_   
**

She was here, at the garage, just like that first day. He had smiled at her, that broad, easy smile she had so readily fallen in love with.

It was all gone now. “You’re what now?!”

When she had decided to tell him, Louise had hoped for a more positive reaction. But Alex seemed to be furious. At her—at the world—at himself… And Louise’s heart broke a little. She shrank into herself even though she felt defiant. Her eyes followed him pacing, raking his hair with his grease-stained hands. “You’re getting dirt all over you,” she muttered.

“Who cares?” Even though he did stop and pick up a spare rag that seemed at least halfway clean enough to wipe his hands on.

Who cares? She cared; she loved his hair. He most of all cared; he always took pride in his good looks. Louise sighed, crumpled even further into the seat.

Alex groaned, looked over his shoulder, back to his colleagues at the garage, just out of earshot. Then he was by her side, crouching in front of her and his hand reaching out slowly to softly touch her face. “It’s just… You shouldn’t have come here to tell me. I should get back to work. You… Let’s talk this out, okay? Tonight. Tony’s at eight?”

His eyes were large and almost panicked, but the tone of his voice was gentle, warm, full of the love they had shared all these last weeks. So much love between them. Their love would win out; Louise just had to be sure of that, to trust in their love. Love conquers all.

So she nodded, mustering a smile. Leaned forward to put her lips to his, just a quick peck, before she left.

*~*~*

At nine, Louise was back home, standing outside their door, key in hand.

Just… standing there.

She felt numb all over. She didn’t know what to think or how to do this. All she knew was that she wanted to keep the child, with or without Alex.

And it would probably be without him, if his not showing up at Tony’s was any indication.

Louise’s hand gripped the key tighter and tighter, until she could feel its edges cutting into her palm. She closed her eyes, took a deep, steadying breath, relaxing her grip and unlocking the door.

As she took off her jacket, she could make out her dad sitting on the couch. His eyes were fixed on the newspaper in his hands, and Louise had a sinking feeling that he knew something was up. Had known for a while now, probably.

Her body moved of its own accord – before she knew it, she found herself on the cushion sitting next to him.

Without a word he put the newspaper aside. All of a sudden, Louise found herself confronted with her dad’s eyes resting on her expectantly.

“Please don’t be mad,” she choked out. Of course he would be mad; they both knew he would be whenever she led with this. But as long as he didn’t throw her out, she would have to count it as a win.

Louise took a steadying breath. “There’s this boy,” she began. “We’ve been seeing each other for… a while now. And… And I’m pregnant.”

*~*~*

When Louise got home from work late one day, she found Alex there. Alex! He was talking to her dad in hushed tones, before both men looked up at her, matching expressions of guilt on their faces.

“O-kaaaay, what the hell is going on here?” She didn’t know if she was supposed to be happy about this development, about seeing the father of her unborn child again – or if she wanted to be furious about that. He had made himself scarce – had not been at the garage when she dropped by, had not returned her calls, had not written. And all of a sudden he was here?!

Her dad got up from the couch and came toward her, laying his hands on her shoulders. Placating her, because he knew her too well. “Lou, darling, we were just talking. Alex here, he…”

“I told your dad I want to do… this. You. Our kid and all that.” His smile was thin, nervous, his eyes jumping to and fro between Louise and her dad and the rest of the living room. Restlessness oozing off him in waves. But he was here and he had said the exact words she had wanted to hear from him so very badly. He wanted to be a part of her life and the life of their child. That had to be worth something, didn’t it?

Louise took a deep breath, exhaled slowly. Gazed at her dad’s rueful smile, the hope in his eyes. Gazed at Alex, who was quivering visibly but giving her a pleading look. She could feel her heart pounding against her chest, the small butterflies at the prospect of the boy she loved actually being the man of honor she had seen him for. They could do this, together. She knew they could. And she wanted to believe in them.

So she nodded. Her dad’s large hand reached out for her smaller one, led her to the couch, and all three of them sat.

Alex wanted to be a part of this family. They could do this.

*~*~*

“So, obviously, he couldn’t do it. Couldn’t do any of it. Or not with me at least. I don’t know if it’s something I said or… I really thought he could be the one, you know? I just feel so stupid,” Louise sighed, her head heavy in her hand. “I don’t know what to do,” she admitted, tears threatening to well up again.

Alma shrugged, the look on her face angry, ready to fight – she would probably tell Louise to get rid of the baby and just live her life. To forget Alex, forget this ever happened. She was young, she was smart, she was studying to go into sales – to be more than a teenage mom to some kid conceived by accident.

Louise sat up straighter even though she felt like a defiant child. She had told her dad that she wanted to keep the baby, had not wavered in her decision. Then why did she feel like running away now?

“Lou,” Alma started, taking Louise’s hand in both of hers. “Girl, I know this is hard and it’s probably gonna get even harder. Your man’s an ass. Hell, he’s a bastard. But… I know you didn’t ask for any of this, and don’t you dare think for a second that it’s all your fault – it always takes two to tango. But no matter what you decide to do… I’m right here. I’ll always be here for you, sis.”

Louise blinked. “I… what?”

All of a sudden, it felt like an invisible weight had been lifted off her chest. She could breathe again where she noticed she hadn’t been able to just a few seconds ago.

*~*~*

**  
_1986_   
**

“Do you want to hold her?”

Did she? Louise felt weak. Drained. Happy. Elated. Nervous. What if she dropped the baby? She wouldn’t, she knew she wouldn’t. Still… Her trembling hands reached out to grab the tiny human barely poking out of the blanked they had wrapped her in.

So she had a daughter. A healthy daughter of a teenage mother and a deadbeat father. Had it really been the right decision to keep the baby? Why had she wanted the child in the first place? Because it was Alex’s, because it was hers. Because she had thought it would be so much easier than it had been those last few months. And it had only just started…

“You’ll do just fine, Lou,” her dad said softly from beside her. His strong hand lay on her shoulder, steadying her. Reassuring her, like he had done ever since she had told him of her decision.

As she was holding her little girl, she knew she would do anything for her.

And she could see the same love and pride in her dad’s eyes when his large fingers brushed lightly over the tiny head cradled against Louise’s shoulder. “So have you decided on a name?”

Louise carefully lifted up her newborn, looking at the small face and into her half-open eyes. Yes, she knew her daughter’s name. “Lola.”

“Lola,” her dad repeated, nodding to himself. Louise gently raised the baby for him to take it. His calloused hands looked huge, but oh so careful as they were holding her. “Hi, little Lola,” he cooed, “Welcome to this world. I’m your grandpapa.”

“Thank you for being here,” Louise smiled.

She didn’t add that she had asked Alex to share this moment with her. Had left him a message, several actually. But there hadn’t been any answer. So without saying anything about it, her dad had come with her to the hospital.

*~*~*

**  
_1992_   
**

“Last night she asked me about her dad.” Louise sighed, turning her wine glass in her hand. For a long moment she watched the dark red liquid slosh along the sides before taking a long, slow sip.

Alma’s gaze was unwavering. “Well, what did you tell her?”

“I told her that he lives far away. And that we all love her… I did try to reach out for her first day at school. Should have known, though…” She shrugged.

Louise knew her best friend wanted to say more, but before she could do so, the door flew open with a bang.

“We’re back,” she could hear her dad’s voice shout over Lola’s bubbly laughter.

She had barely gotten a few feet when she found herself with a bouncy bundle of joy in her arms, pigtails flying, still packed up in her coat, and school bag on her back. “Hi Mom! Hi Auntie Alma!” Lola squeaked excitedly.

“Hi you!” Louise laughed, hugging her daughter tightly. “So how was your day? Meet any fun people?” She lifted her gaze to meet that of her dad, who was standing in the doorway, hands on his hips and panting slightly. The smile in his eyes was loud and clear, though.

“It was so cool. I mean I know some of the other kids already, but there’s this girl and she brought her pet rat to school and…”

“Shouldn’t you take off your coat and wash your hands first, little lady?” her grandfather sternly interrupted her babbling.

Lola disentangled herself from her mom. “Oops! Be right back.” She ran back out into the hall, leaving all three adults left in the room to exchange amused looks.

Humming happily, Louise went over to her dad, flung her arms around him and gave him a grateful peck on the cheek. “Thank you so much for taking her.”

“Always, Lou.”

*~*~*

**  
_1999_   
**

“Um…” was all she could say when she heard the voice on the other end of the line. She had recognized it instantly, even after all these years.

Louise didn’t know if she wanted to be livid at Lola – or if she was just happy her little girl was safe. It wasn’t the first time Lola had done something so stupid – she was a teenager, for crying out loud, of course she would get herself into trouble. Louise just had to think back to when she had been thirteen. She knew Alma had told Lola all about what they had been up to back then – so she probably couldn’t even play the ‘responsible adult’ card here. Damn!…

“Is she okay?” her dad asked from the doorway, yanking her back to the present. The worry in his voice was also visible in the deep lines around his eyes, the hunch of his broad shoulders, the narrow set of his mouth.

She just nodded, smiled at him, even though she could guess that her eyes were betraying her shakiness at this moment.

“Thank you,” she turned back to the receiver in her trembling hand, closed her eyes. She could hear her heart hammering against her chest.

“You’re welcome, Lou,” answered the warm baritone of his voice. Alex’s voice. It seemed that Lola had been looking for her father for months – and had obviously finally found him. “Should I just put her on the subway? You know, I could just drive her back if you think it’s safer,” he offered.

“Yeah, that’s… um… Could you hand the phone over to her for a sec?” Louise took a deep breath, not sure what to tell her daughter. She just knew she had to talk to her – right now!

“Mom?” Lola’s voice sounded small over the line.

For one long second, Louise couldn’t find her voice at all. Unbidden images had popped up in her mind, of her daughter making herself right at home at her father’s apartment after the huge fight they had had before Lola had run away.

Then a large hand came to lie on her shoulder, starting to rub small, soothing circles into it, steadying her. The images faded and she turned her head to smile at her dad, thankful.

He smiled back, nodded. “You take the car and go get her. I’ll make you two dinner.”

Louise’s head cleared suddenly as she spoke to her daughter. “We’ll talk about this in the car. Stay where you are, okay?”

“Okay.”

And with that, she hung up and got her jacket and car keys.

*~*~*

_Dec 12, 1999_

_My dear Louise,_

_I know I’m forever in your bad books, and for a good reason. I know that. You have just about every right to just throw this letter away. Or burn it to exorcise me once and for all. But I really hope you do read on. Please, at least do that, even though I can understand if you don’t want to give me another chance._

_I messed up big time. I know that now. I did know then, too, even if that sounds like a feeble excuse. But I was young and scared shitless. I had my whole life in front of me – and suddenly it felt like I should give up all of it. I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. Not back then. I know that doesn’t excuse anything, but it’s why I did what I did._

_I’m a lot better now, I really am. I manage my own garage and I have a place of my own. It’s not huge or anything. But it’s something._

_And I miss you. Both of you._

_Maybe we could meet up? Call me: 347-623-1986_

_\- Alex_

*~*~*

**  
_2000_   
**

“So… it was nice getting to know Lola a little bit.” The fork in Alex’s hand was pushing his food from one side of the plate to the other and back, his eyes following. “She’s pretty amazing.”

“I know,” Louise smiled proudly.

Of course Alex would have known what an amazing person his daughter was if he had bothered to be in her life at all – but they both knew that, so she didn’t say it out loud. Just quietly felt a certain glee at his admission. He had missed so many years of his own daughter growing up, had left them to themselves; and he finally seemed to be seeing that, too.

The waiter came by their booth to check if they were still good. Both of them smiled up at her, thanked her, and lowered their eyes back to the food in front of them.

For a first meeting after… after everything, this was going pretty well. They had decided to meet at a restaurant neither of them had been before – a cozy, quiet little place tucked away in a Brooklyn side street. Definitely not Tony’s, but Tony’s just held too many memories.

They were both different people now. She was a working single mom – had actually come straight from work, still in her dark pantsuit and blouse. She knew that with the longer hair, she was probably giving off very different vibes than the tomboy with the pixie cut.

And time had changed Alex, too. A small smile tugged at her lips as her eyes took him in, sitting across from her, gaze fixed on his plate. Where his features back then were boyish, rakishly handsome, they now were sharp and angular, more pronounced. His long hair that had been his whole pride had given way to a much shorter, more practical style. It suited him, especially since his eyes were still radiant, still held that spark she had last seen when he had dropped by and promised her dad that he would take care of her and the baby.

“Did you get the card and pictures I sent after Lola was born?” she broke the awkward silence between them. She didn’t know exactly why Alex had wanted this meeting, but she wanted to get him to see that he had a daughter who deserved to have both her parents be in her life – even if Louise had come to think differently over the years of radio silence.

Just the other day, she and Lola had fought loudly about it. And although it had been a bitter pill to swallow that her daughter felt the need to get to know her father, Louise had come out of that fight confident that the family they had built – her dad, Alma, her and Lola – was enough. Was good enough.

“Yeah, I got all of it.” Alex put his fork down and finally met Louise’s eyes. “I drank myself senseless that day. Woke up in a strange apartment the next day,” he admitted. “But I still got them. The pictures. And the card, too. And the one you sent me of her first day at school.”

Louise smiled a little. He had kept all of them. “Good.”

He nodded, fingers playing with the fork again, before the words tumbled over his lips. “So… I know it’s none of my business, but… Why have you never had another boyfriend after… you know?”

No, it wasn’t any of his business. But they were here to talk. “I didn’t really have time for that, now, did I? But I could ask you the same question.”

“I… I actually did, for a while. But… I don’t know. I guess I would always compare them to you.” His smile was rueful, but there was a hint of that old smile – the broad and brilliant one she had fallen in love with back then.

She wouldn’t fall today, though, no matter her heart just missing a beat. She wouldn’t fall. She had promised herself that! “So what kept you from reaching out?”

He sighed. “I was scared. Do you think Lola could forgive me?”

“Depends. Will you finally make an effort to get to know her?”

“How about this weekend? You could come by my place and we could go to the zoo together or something?”

A hopeful smile tugged at Louise’s lips.

*~*~*

**  
_2020_   
**

Louise had always known that she didn’t have to go through life alone. From time to time, she had forgotten about that – and sometimes she still forgot. But it wouldn’t take long until she was reminded again, not too subtly, that her family was there to help her through – the good times and the bad!

Her best friend Alma, who had been a sister to her in anything but blood, had always stood by her. She had always been there to tell her what she needed to hear to get her head back on straight. Louise couldn’t think of anyone better suited to lead through the ceremony today.

Her daughter, the one she had fought for more than once. Against the men in her life, against society, against herself. If she could do it again, Louise would do several things differently – although living without Lola was not an option. She would always want to keep her baby. Her baby, who was all grown up and getting married today! A tear had snuck into her eye, and she blinked.

Rei had been welcomed into their family fairly recently. She was such a strong and caring person, and loved Lola so deeply. The two girls were just so good for each other.

Then there was her dad, who had always had her back. Despite all the fights and disagreements, Louise knew that he had only ever wanted her best. Hers and Lola’s. He was so happy, beaming proudly at her as he was leading his granddaughter to the altar.

The father of the bride was here, too, of course. Alex was sitting right next to Louise, holding hands with her. He wouldn’t have missed this day for the world, Louise knew – for the last several years he had finally been a steady presence in Lola’s life. And in hers as well.

When Lola had told them she wanted her grandpapa to give her away, though, neither man had had any objections at all.

And she looked so happy. So at home in her own skin and her life. The love shining in Rei’s eyes as they followed her soon-to-be wife’s way down the aisle, and the answering look of love – it was all the proof anyone ever needed that this, here, now, was real.

If only her mom could have been here, too.

On the other hand, her mom would have probably found it scandalous that Louise had had a child with a man she wasn’t married to.

But after everything they had been through, she and Alex had agreed to take things as slow as they needed to – including not exchanging vows of any sort. But he was staying over more often than not, and she had had several of her favorite clothes as well as a toothbrush over at his apartment for a while now.

As Lola came to stand next to Rei and took her hand, they both looked over to where Louise and Alex were sitting. Their girls! Bleary-eyed and beaming at them happily. Louise could see her daughter mouth a silent _I love you_ to her. _I love you too_ , she mouthed back. They all did.

She knew she would miss her little girl. She also knew Lola was where she wanted to be, and she was in the best of hands.

She would never be alone, could always depend on her family.

_~ fin ~_


End file.
